Strategies for Effective Helping

Effect Strategies In addition to the 5 Decision Making Steps, there are a number of strategies you can use for effective helping. (For action steps in each topic area please go to that specific topic):

Emergency Helping 鈥� General Strategies

Emergency situations unfold quickly and often require immediate helping responses.

Carefully assess the entire situation/circumstances before making any decisions or taking any action. Choose the most effective ways of helping for that particular situation. Be sure to not make the situation escalate.

Consider both direct and indirect ways to intervene:

Direct: You take responsibility as the primary helper.
Indirect: You request that someone else take responsibility as the primary helper (e.g., the Police, Emergency Medical Trained or EMT personnel, Athletic Administrators, etc.)

Non-Emergency Helping 鈥� General Strategies

Non-emergency situations unfold more slowly and allow more careful planning of a helping response.

Consider both direct and indirect ways to intervene:

Direct:听You speak with the person directly.
Indirect:听Talk to another person who you feel could be helpful or give guidance and direction 鈥� teammate, counselor, administrator, coach.

Note:听If you do not act immediately, don鈥檛 ignore the situation. Just because you don鈥檛 act right then and there doesn鈥檛 mean you can鈥檛 do it later!

Whatever response you choose, remember the following:

Consider frequency, duration, and intensity/severity when evaluating a situation.
Determine the barrier for the person if possible 鈥� motivation, ability,y or environment.
Know your limits as a helper 鈥� engage others as necessary.
Be sensitive, understanding, and non-judgmental.
Challenge misperceptions 鈥� Express your true feelings/beliefs.
Identify the red flags and anticipate problems.
Determine the priority goal; Formulate a plan; Prepare/practice what you want to say.
Interrupt/distract/delay a situation you think might be problematic 鈥� before it becomes an emergency!
Set boundaries 鈥� do not make excuses for the person or otherwise enable them.
Conduct conversations in a safe environment.听Maintain mutual respect and mutual purpose.
Remember the Law of Delivery:听Who听(person/s),听What听(content),听When听(timing),听Where听(location/privacy),听Why (reasons), and听How听(tone).

The 5-Point Formula/Script

The 5-Point Formula

I Care
Let the person know you care about him/her and that because of the significance of the relationship you need to discuss something very important. Both start and end the discussion with an emphasis that you are doing this out of genuine concern, caring, and respect for the person, sandwiching the difficult feedback between strong positives. Choose words you are comfortable with and fit your style.

I See
Report/Review actual events with your friend, as you perceive them. Remember you are evaluating the behavior, not the person. Try to limit your statements to observable, irrefutable facts. The more you have, the better.

I Feel听
Tell the person your own feelings using 鈥淚 statements鈥� to reveal your feelings.

I Want
Tell the person what you would like to see happen.

I Will
Specify what you will or will not do. Only set ultimatums if you can, and will, stick to them.

Adapted from University of Massachusetts, Amherst Health Services, Virginia Alcohol Safety Action Program, and The BACCHUS Network.

Script

I Care听
鈥淛ohn, do you have a minute? Because you鈥檙e such a good friend and I really care about you, I want to talk to you about something very important.鈥�

I See
鈥淚鈥檝e been noticing that you are not going to class as much and your practices haven鈥檛 been as productive lately. From my perspective, you really don鈥檛 seem to be yourself. I鈥檝e seen you drinking more when we go out and it seems to be more frequent than in the past. You even got into that fight last weekend at the party and I鈥檝e never seen that from you before.鈥�

I Feel听
鈥淚鈥檓 worried about how it is affecting you 鈥� personally, in school, and on the team. To be honest I鈥檓 also scared about what could happen to you.鈥�

I Want
鈥淛ohn, I want what鈥檚 best for you and the team. I鈥檇 like to see you get some help 鈥� and sooner rather than later 鈥� at least talk to someone 鈥� either Coach Jones or even someone at our Counseling Center. You have so much to offer and the team really needs you! I鈥檇 really hate for something bad to happen because of a poor decision.鈥�

I Will
鈥淚鈥檇 be willing to go with you if you want. I want to support you however I can because I respect you and you are very important to me 鈥� and to the team 鈥� but I will not lie for you and I will not watch you continue to make unhealthy choices. I鈥檓 really concerned John.鈥�

Other possible phrases to which to confront a teammate or another person:

鈥淭he team needs you and expects more from you.鈥�
鈥淭his is (X school). That is not what we are about.鈥�
鈥淚 know you are better than that.鈥�
鈥淵ou know that鈥檚 not OK.鈥�
Make the target goal inflexible but the process to reach it flexible.
Be curious/ask questions to understand from their point of view. (Perspective taking)
Use contrasting to clarify misunderstandings. (e.g. What I DON鈥橳 want is X, what I DO want is Y).
Ask permission if the topic is sensitive.
Avoid 鈥渁bsolutes鈥� (always, never, etc.)
Avoid gossiping and rumor spreading.
Be ready for a negative reaction. People can feel attacked when confronted and can get angry. Assure them that you care about them and are concerned about their behavior.
Take care of yourself 鈥� it can be difficult on helpers as well.
Follow up.

Within Your Team

Create shared and agreed-upon acceptable standards of behavior. (We can do X, we cannot do Y).
Emphasize strength in numbers.
Create plans together to avoid high-risk situations.
Explain the expectation to intervene.
Make it relevant to the team and to achieving team goals.
Empower teammates to Step UP!
Acknowledge and reinforce caring behaviors.
Allow teammates to air thoughts/feelings.
Practice skills and strategies to Step UP!

When Dealing with High Emotion

3 things TO do:

Ensure your safety
Try to dissipate the emotion
Consider the other person鈥檚 perspective

3 things to NOT do:

Don鈥檛 get caught up in the moment
Don鈥檛 one-up the person
Don鈥檛 patronize

Don鈥檛 deal with content until you deal with emotion.

How to Increase Helping

Encourage prosocial/helping behavior.
Increase and optimize the 5 Decision Making Steps.
Reduce inhibiting factors (pluralistic ignorance, conformity,
spiral of silence, etc.)
Increase identification of risk factors.
Make 鈥渋n-group鈥� more inclusive.
Practice perspective-taking.
Increase knowledge, skills, and confidence.

5 Intervention Styles

Human behavior is complex and intervention styles will depend on situations and roles. Everyone is a mix of all styles, but most people have tendencies toward one or two styles.听The goal is to increase understanding of your style, others鈥� style, and how to interact for the best intervention.

Adapted from the work of Jeff Janssen and the DiSC漏 Behavioral Assessment.

View in PDF format

Shark (D)

Approach to intervention:听Dominant;听Results oriented.听Get it done. Likes to take charge and be in control. Intervention is more direct.
Strengths: Direct, confident, strong-willed, driven, forceful, competitive, assertive, pushes group to achieve, expresses opinion; performs well under pressure and in clear-cut emergencies.
Weaknesses: Can be insensitive, impatient, blunt, sarcastic, aggressive, and make situations worse; can be viewed as arrogant, 鈥渒now it all鈥�; doesn鈥檛 give much thought to intervention method; prefers 鈥渨inning鈥� over compromise.
Can intervene more effectively: Warmth, patience, empathy, humility, tact, and consideration of others鈥� ideas.
When intervening with a Shark: Sharks are driven by power, authority, and success. Address issues directly, and efficiently and focus on the desired results; support your concerns with facts; avoid challenging their perceived authority; focus on resolving the problem rather than being 鈥渞ight鈥�; avoid repeating yourself or giving too many details; avoid taking their candor personally.

Fox (I)

Approach to intervention:听Influential;听People oriented. Get buy-in/approval. Likes to inspire and be recognized for their contribution. Intervention is more direct.
Strengths: Social, enthusiastic, energetic, optimistic, persuasive, charming; can mobilize a group and fight through groupthink and pluralistic ignorance.
Weaknesses: Impulsive, disorganized, lack of follow-through; can rely solely on gut feelings; not great listener; can be outspoken and monopolize the conversation.
Can intervene more effectively: by focusing听on details, patience, listening more, following through, being more objective, and confronting problems.
When intervening with a Fox:听Foxes are driven by social recognition, group activities, and friendly relationships. Be encouraging,听respectful, positive, and collaborative; recognize and solicit their contributions and ideas; present new approaches; let them talk and have them be part of the solution; show how actions will gain favorable attention and approval; don鈥檛 let them lose face or steal their limelight 鈥� make it clear it鈥檚 about the issue, not them as a person.

Teddy Bear (S)

Approach to intervention:听Steady;听Team-oriented.听Work together. I like to be systematic, collaborative, and accommodating; don鈥檛 want to offend others. Intervention is more indirect.
Strengths: Calm, patient, stable, even-tempered, practical, good listener, team player, amiable, empathetic, understanding, and humble.
Weaknesses: Overly accommodating; indecisive; passive; tendency to avoid change; can prioritize relationships, avoiding conflict and needing to be liked over confronting a problem; give in to peer pressure; can perceive costs as greater than rewards.
Can intervene more effectively: Addressing issues quickly and directly, taking initiative; showing self-confidence and courage, speaking up and taking a stand for what they believe in; and aking a more active leadership role.
When intervening with a Teddy Bear:听Teddy Bears are driven by the desire to maintain stable environments, appreciation, collaboration, and opportunities to help. Be relaxed, supportive, sincere, and cooperative; express interest in them; show them you care about resolving the issues; be direct without being confrontational or aggressive; respect traditions, procedures, and systematic practices; don鈥檛 rush them 鈥� give them time to process the info; don鈥檛 be critical or demanding.

Turtle (C)

Approach to intervention:听Conscientious;听Detail-oriented. Do it right. Want intervention to be the best it can be? Intervention is more indirect.
Strengths: Analytical, precise, systematic, cautious, diplomatic, tactful, will give careful consideration to intervention; high concern for quality.
Weaknesses: Slow to act. Can be overly critical; tendency to overanalyze; can be blunt; misses important times to intervene early; can fall into pluralistic ignorance trap; rationalizes inaction as 鈥渘one of my business鈥�; thinks/hopes someone else will do something.
Can intervene more effectively:听Acting more quickly; acknowledging others鈥� feelings and needs (perspective taking); cooperating with and involving others; looking beyond data, not getting bogged down with details; being more direct with interventions.
When intervening with a Turtle:听Turtles are driven by opportunities to use their expertise, gain knowledge, and impact the situation with quality intervention. Be logical, organized, and accurate when intervening. Support your position with logic and facts; minimize emotional language; give them space and time to process information; allow personal space and independence; stay away from forceful tactics 鈥� be patient, persistent,t and diplomatic.

Owl

NOTE: All styles can be an Owl by best using their strengths and responding appropriately and effectively to the situation.

Approach to intervention:听Holistic;听Situation-oriented. A more complete intervention; driven by achieving the best outcome; uses an inclusive, complete approach.
Strengths: A resourceful and creative problem solver; selfless and doesn鈥檛 care who gets credit; adapts their style to fit behavioral/situational needs of others.
Weaknesses: Need to gain experience in certain circumstances.
Can intervene more effectively: Continuing to hone skills in various and diverse situations.

Making Value-Based Decisions

As a bystander, one way to Step UP! is to get those involved in a situation to think about how current actions lead to future consequences. Remind them that what feels beneficial at the time may have greater long-term costs. In other words, are the 鈥渞ewards鈥� of the moment more valuable than the potential costs of the future (e.g., loss of scholarship; suspension/expulsion; criminal record, etc.)? Also, consider how long the 鈥渞ewards鈥� last vs. how long the 鈥渃osts鈥� last. How long will your choice impact your life a day/week/month or year later? Considering possible costs and rewards over time can be eye-opening.

Help others by getting them to stop and think about what they are doing 鈥� or about to do. Is their decision aligned with their stated values? Will it jeopardize their future? Their goals? Their reputation? What they鈥檝e worked so hard for? What you鈥檝e ALL worked so hard for? Losing a teammate, even for a short period of time, may cost them (and you) in more ways than one. While it is important to support your teammates, it isn鈥檛 always easy to know how to best do this. Blindly following actions and/or not intervening in a situation you know in your gut to be wrong, is NOT supporting a teammate but rather assisting in their future troubles.

Please see the听Scenario Worksheet听in Appendix B for an example.

The 5 Core Questions

Please consider the following 5 Core Questions for situations in which you may need to intervene.

More topic-specific questions are provided in the topics section of this website. (Also see the听Scenario Worksheet听in Appendix B.)

What is the goal?
Discuss the Five Decision Making Steps:
1. Notice the Event(At what point could you notice?)
2. Interpret it as a Problem/Emergency(What are the red flags?)
3. Assume Personal Responsibility(What could you do?)
4. Have the Skills to Intervene(What knowledge/skills are necessary?)
5. Implement the Help 鈥� Step UP! (What are direct and indirect ways
  to help?)
What could you do to make the intervention Safe, Early, and Effective?
Costs/Rewards 鈥� What are the benefits of intervening? What are some costs? What are some costs of NOT intervening?
Perspective Taking 鈥� How would you feel if you were the 鈥渧ictim鈥�? What would you be thinking? What would you want others to do for you?

Also, consider what other bystander behavior factors could be involved in certain circumstances (pluralistic ignorance, conformity, diffusion of responsibility, etc.).

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